I am seating by myself thinking of how much work I have to deal with. I cannot even take a guess on how much time I need in order to do what’s expected here while performing (even) for the unexpected. Time is everything and it runs out. My mind is contineously escaping its designated path for the day and keeps running off to the dark. I look out of the window and it suddenly hits me. There it is. There’s a full moon. It keeps company to a light summer breeze. Light enough to keep your body temperature perfect. Not enough to keep your thoughts cold. I was always drawn by the dark. Sounds funny but nights are still my favourite part of the day. Nothing scares me at that point in time where everything turns black and blue.
I feel…invincible, yes that’s the word.
There is something about nights that makes me act so comfortable and natural. Most people cannot understand. Cannot even comprehend. I won’t try to convience anyone of the healing power that a night under the stars has. Nor of the most genuine smiles that it can give birth to. Just you in your hoodie, riding a car, tuning your radio, singing along with Violent Femmes’ known rhythm of blister in the sun, stepping on the accelerator pedal more and more. No need to be reckless, just breathe in that air hitting your face and feel, even for a second, reborn. Free. Think of nothing.
Being empty while feeling complete through this exact emptiness.
I like to look for things no one else matters about. Starring at balconies, looking inside at whatever can be seen from across the street. Trying to figure out a story. The story. The story that lies within those walls. I observe people, try to understand their weaknesses from just a glimpse. I hide my smile by turning my head quickly the other way so that my hair gets in the way. Don’t want anyone guessing what I am up to. People are so used to being mocked that even an innocent glance can turn them into animals. Who can ever see what I see in each one of them? There is light, there is sadness, there is joy and warmth.
A bittersweet assembly of all these pieces gives me the chance I’ ve been waiting for. Plot a story. How all these people I saw today could potentially get a chance to know each other. They can’t but I will make them. My story could begin with a girl on a bicycle hitting a bump on the road full of water and splashing head to toe a small child waiting by the street while grabbing mommy’s hand tightly. Its cry can be heard so loudly that a dog comes by and starts licking the boy’s face. Mommy has a breakdown while trying to make the animal go away. Passers by have stopped and regard the scene, most of them laughing their hearts out.
This is how, some particular nights and days, my time passes. Maybe Hipolito was right after all.
We pass the time of day to forget how time passes.
The moon is the only luminous proof that today you cannot feel alone at all. Other than that, there are just words waiting to be written, thoughts ready to be born and veiled emotions underlying. If you take a good look you will see so many stars. The average distance between the stars in the sky is 20 million miles. Can you even imagine??? It must be true but not my truth. I can just show you what I mean. Everytime I reach for the sky I can almost grab a star. Almost. But I close my eyes and oh I promise, I can feel its stardust so close that I ‘d say sometimes I can even feel it sprinkling over my head just for fun.
What is more amazing about that yellow round ball that has ignited lovesongs for centuries is what you dreamt of everytime you took a look at it. And did you know that the word “dreamt” is the only common word in the English language that ends in “mt”? Oh, it is.
And as this moment is concerned I just look around that moon and search for its dark side. Silly thoughts my blondie, right? Right. Just picturing this night and drawing it from scratch. My own crayons, my choice of colors. And it ”feels like flying, I close my eyes, oh God I think I am falling, out of the sky, I close my eyes. Heaven help me”.
But Mick said it better. Can’t always get what you want. Right? Well, I say..Hell no. Hell yes.